Monday, 13 July 2009

• too much to handle....

  as stated...happenings on this week was too much to handle...

  work as i mention in my previous blog...the rushing in logging and digitising is killing me physically...my face is showing all the result...not only that the rushing result in me making mistake in logging, missing things here and there and of cos such things shd never happen...sighz...

  have never work 24-28 hrs twice in a wk...last time i ever stayed that late was rushing sch proj or after pol-ite competi...but it wasn't twice a wk....well the rush in logging tapes is really building up the pressure/stress lvl...and what worst is the communication in the grp ain't really working out...i'm always stuck with 'you are suppose to do this and then tell mi the result', so i have to make sure eth is settle and tell them what is going on next....i'm not even sure if i was suppose to be doing that....damn...

  on top of all that scholarship interview din really went that well....don't wish to explain in here...cut it short i don't think i'll get the scholarship...not that i have no faith but i guess my heart has already accept the fact that God may not want me to go into theater no matter how much i wants too...but then i know i will cry when i recieve the rejection letter, no matter how much i say my heart has prepare when the result comes out i'm sure i'll cry....

  and then the 2nd sad/shock news was a friend died on the day i had my interview...no sure what time but a friend younger than me died....a sudden death that shock many...no idea the main reason of death...it wasn't illness or accident...well anyway, i wasn't really close to that guy, but he did make an impression in my memory...the tall funny guy....loves to act...it aín't easy to accept that a young person you know just left the world with no reason at all...like how i can't accept my mum left when she was so healthy before...guess it's just like what yong zhen laoshi said...no matter how logical your mind is at the time, your emotion, mental still need a point of release...and i guess i'm at the stage...no matter how much i can tell myself that i will see him once again when the trumpet sounds, but still there's an emptyness in my heart, it doesn't hurt just feel that something is missing...and its hard to turn back the mood....one blow after another...i'm sure it wun take long before i have another break down in frt of God again...

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